Warm Fuzzies

I have warm fuzzies right now. I just got done hanging out with another Moho that I met through this blog. It was awesome. It is a strange phenomenon in that someone I've only known for an hour and a half knows me better than almost everyone in my life. It felt so great though to just be myself, not having to hide any part of me. I'm usually shy and more reserved, but not with him. After the initial ice melted, I felt completely comfortable.

I was super nervous about meeting up. Nervous that he might be a creep. Nervous that I might end up completely falling for him. Nervous of what my wife would think if she knew what I was doing. The fact that I didn't tell my wife about our meeting may be a red flag for some, but I really thought this through. I know that our meeting was harmless. We both know it's going nowhere farther than friendship, and we both really need each other's support. I do plan to tell my wife about this sometime in the future, when it feels right and I've sorted things out more. I know that if she did know about this now she would be extremely upset and possibly blow things out of proportion, so it is really for the best that she not know right now. I can't keep something like this from her all the time, because my marriage needs more openness and honesty. Timing is key though.

He and I both acknowledged that our friendship is somewhat risky, and I am putting him in an awkward situation, given that I'm married, and he doesn't want to be any sort of negative influence on my marriage. It doesn't help that I find him very attractive.  But I really think we can be a positive influence on each other. Together we can help each other sort out the awful complexities of being gay and Mormon. Not just weep and mourn over our situation, but also rejoice in our gayness together. However, we will tread cautiously.

Being with him felt sooo good though. I loved it, and that's what scares me.