It has been a few months since I started this blog. Already I am in a different place now than I was when I started. Here's a few things that have occurred:
I moved back to Utah.
I started school again.
I started another job.
I started therapy again.
I started seeing myself in a whole new light.
As I read my first two posts I began to realize how much self-loathing and guilt I have bottled up inside me. I saw how my actions in life were doing nothing but feeding that guilt and shame. I resolved to shake myself free from the duality that my life had become. I could not live a life of lies and facades. So I have begun the process of openness and honesty. Honesty to my wife, honesty to God, and honesty to myself. I still have a long way to go in this process, but I'm getting there. I've already felt the reassurance of the Spirit that I'm on the right track. For once in a long time I felt loved by God. I'm realizing that I'm not a terrible person unworthy of anyone's love, just someone very lost and confused. But I'm finding my way. At this point I don't know what direction my life will go, but I have hope that eventually there will be peace and acceptance.
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