Soledad

Allow me to discuss the boy band that stole my heart as a young teenage boy. It wasn't backstreet boys, 98 degrees, or Nsync. Mormonism was my only world so anything outside of mormonism held little value to me. So the band that was the focus of my young obsessions was Colors, a group of three LDS guys from Kaysville. . And here they are:

If you were born to late or two early or too far outside the Mormon bubble to know them, they are (in order, referring to the middle photo) Brian Tibbets, Russ Dixon, and Ryan Merrill. Ryan was my favorite, and I had quite the little crush on him. I played percussion in Jr. High (in addition to trumpet) because of him. I once got a chance to play the congas in my jazz band and boy was I excited to be playing them like Ryan. Never has any young teenager played the congas with such passion before or since. (haha!) They all went to Utah State (my own alma mater!) and they were even friends with my oldest sister who met them in college. They performed in my hometown when I was 13 and believe me, I was smitten. I listened to their CD over and over and over again. I know every lyric to this day. By the time I was in high school the group had pretty well ended their careers as musicians and Brian had actually moved to my hometown. My high school girlfriend shared my love for Colors and one of her friends who was in Brian's ward arranged to have him come to our class and sing to her for her birthday. We were both swooning (I was just trying hard to hide it) as he sang "The Reggae Song,"  which went on to become our song. I didn't marry her but my wife appreciates Colors as well so at our wedding luncheon we actually sang a duet together to the Colors' "Wedding Song." And to this day I still rock my kids to sleep while singing them Colors songs. For some reason their songs have always had a lot of meaning to me and they likely always will. Their song, "Soledad" is one of my absolute favorites. Here's the lyrics:

Make a wish and dreams come true
Set a sail and watch it into the blue
What's an open door
If I don't walk through

So I watch the stars move
In the summer skies
The earth holds my back and I'm
Drowning in the moon's light
And I think of all the places
And the faces
Of people that I've known
When I'm alone

I go home to my soledad
Oh, oh oh in my soledad
All of my day and my dreams
And my wishes
Can all come true
In my soledad

Every now and then
Somebody's gonna say
"How much for your dreams?
Tell me what could I pay?"
And with my eyes closed
My eyes closed
I could say, "Go on,
Take everything away."

But my soledad
Oh oh, no, not my soledad
All of my day and my dreams
And my wishes
Are yet to come true
In my soledad

Mmmm

A la mirar la distancia de los cielos
Me da esperanza que mis anelos se cumpliran
Y aunque ser por un momento
No me escape el sentimiento
Que este lugar me da
Y por un dia mas
Puedo dejar todo atras

In mi soledad
Oh, oh oh in my soledad
All of my day and my dreams
And my wishes
They're all comin' true
In my soledad

Hmmmm
My soledad

English Translation:

soledad = solitude

In looking at the distance of heaven
It gives me hope that my wishes will be fulfilled
And although it be but for a moment
I do not escape the feeling
That this place gives me
And for one day more
I can leave it all behind

Solitude is something very important to me. Although sometimes I fear being alone, I treasure times when I'm able able to really reflect and ponder. It being summer, often take walks at night so that I can think things through and feel somewhat closer to God. I've had some profound experiences that have allowed me to connect spiritually with God and learn more about myself through solitude. Its experiences like this that have allowed me to gaze into heaven and really separate myself from all else in the world. Many people in the church experience this through temple worship, and I think that is great. That doesn't work for me, however, so I do things my own way. Even though I have significant doubts as to the existence of a life after this one, I still long for heaven, and that gives me hope. I don't intend to wait til death to experience heaven though. I plan to do all I can to bring the feelings of heaven into my mortal life here and now, so I try to treasure the heavenly moments. Here's a few I've experienced lately:

Stargazing by myself at the park near my home.

Watching fireworks on Independence day with my wife and kids. 

Having a meaningful conversation with a friend.

Having lunch with Anna on the grass at the park while watching my boys play together.

Watching a hilarious movie

Enjoying the incredible talents of others.

Anything apart from the mundane and depressing parts of life ought to be appreciated more. So many times I complain that my life is boring and predictable. I complain about a lot of things actually. But life is just usually hard or dull or super frustrating and challenging. So when it isn't, and we are able to experience goodness and joy we should try to view it as a bit of heaven.

Yesterday I was able to get a taste of soledad, but not in the regard that I was alone. It was quite the opposite. I spent it with friends doing fun things. It was a chance for me to escape the world I live in daily and not have to think about a lot of the anxieties that torment me. While driving home last night I felt incredibly at peace. I was able to be with people all day that accept me for who I am. I didn't have to play any roles. I didn't have to worry about being judged. I didn't have to worry about anyone's agenda for me. It was very refreshing, and I loved it. Sure, life can't be like that all the time. That would be unrealistic. But I'd like to think that my life can become closer to the heaven that I long for as I appreciate the special moments and find ways to cultivate more of them in my life.

I'm grateful that I'm able to have these kind of escapes from life. And as long as we're able to continue to live in the present on a day-to-day basis, I find it perfectly acceptable to wish and dream and hope for something more. Its helps to get away from it all and live it up every once in a while.