This weekend is Salt Lake City's LGBT Pride Festival. So I felt it's a fitting time to share this photo of me from last year's parade as I marched with Mormons Building Bridges, as well as some thoughts on this subject.
There was a time that I didn't understand why LGBT people felt the need to have their own pride weekend. I wondered why they felt the need to flaunt something so private as one's sexuality out in public. What I didn't realize until I came out to myself as gay was that I was confusing pride with arrogance. I came to see that Pride is really about casting off shame in one's identity, finding self-acceptance, and celebrating personal and societal growth. Of course, the event also becomes a celebration of LGBT culture, in much the same way that Pioneer Day celebrates the odd quirks of Utah culture.
When I was "in the closet," I lived my life with a rather crippling fear which led me to believe that if I was to be loved by anyone, I had to hide the truth about myself and work at being loveable. This fear and shame became a barrier to connection in my life. Consequently, I struggled to express love and feel loved. It wasn't until I started to come out that I learned this truth, as taught by Brene Brown:
"In order for connection to happen, we have to allow ourselves to be seen. Really, truly deeply seen."
I had to face my greatest fears. Fears of hurting those I love. Fears that I'd be rejected and would lose every meaningful relationship in my life. Fears that those close to me would see me as "lost" and "unworthy." Fears that I'd never find happiness or fulfillment as an outwardly gay man.
I risked all those things because of how badly I wanted a deeper kind of connection in my life. In allowing myself to be seen for who I truly feel that I am, I've found that many of those fears I had were unfounded. My family and friends still love me exactly as I am. I now have a great friendship with the mother of my kids. And bravely being who I am has injected my life's connections with refreshing authenticity. I've gained many more meaningful connections than I imagined was possible. I still have a ways to go, and authenticity is a daily practice, but I'm proud of where I'm at today.
To me, that's what Pride is about. It's about letting go of fears and being seen for who you truly are, regardless of what others may think. For me it's about being able to hold my boyfriend's hand as we walk down the sidewalk together. It's about not being afraid to come across as too emotional, too sensitive, or too effeminate. And it's about acknowledging my path and being grateful for every step I've taken and everything in my life that has made me who I am today.
I firmly believe that "coming out of the closet" isn't just for LGBT people. Everyone has their own closets of fear and shame to come out of. That involves facing our fears head-on and being proud of who we are. To quote Brene Brown again:
"Loving ourselves through the process of owning our story is the bravest thing we'll ever do."
